CENTERFOLD

It’s me. The woman on top of the fudgsicles.

                                                PATTY ANN

You got us in trouble.

                                                CENTERFOLD

I didn’t fling myself open, you know. Some dope did it.

                                                PATTY ANN

How come you’re talking?

                                                CENTERFOLD

I feel like it.

KELLY

Don’t talk to her. She’s a centerfold. This isn’t happening.

CENTERFOLD

Where are all the women in this story?

                                                KELLY

What do you mean?

                                                CENTERFOLD

So far it’s you and all men. Where are the women?

KELLY

What men?

CENTERFOLD

So far, this story is all about men. The man who left the magazine on top of the fudgsicles. The man who took all the magazines and burned them up. Destroyers of the innocent. Saviors of the innocent. Men.

                                                KELLY

How did you get here?

CENTERFOLD

So where are the women in this story?

PATTY ANN

You’re a woman.

                                                CENTERFOLD

Duh.

                                                PATTY ANN

I don’t think women are important. Mostly men are important.

KELLY

Patty Ann, who told you that?

                                                PATTY ANN

You know. The men are in charge of everything and everybody usually.

                                                KELLY

Nobody’s in charge of me.

                                                CENTERFOLD

Then why are you stuck here? You’re a smart woman. You deserve more of a life than this. The eternal caretaker.

KELLY

And your life is better? In p-o-r-n?

PATTY ANN

I don’t care. I don’t care if you spell. I don’t even care what you’re spelling.

CENTERFOLD (to Kelly)

Honey, I’m here to talk about you. Forget about me.

                                                PATTY ANN

Corn. Is it corn?

                                                KELLY (to Centerfold)

Don’t judge my life. You don’t know me.

CENTERFOLD

I’ll tell you where the women are. Working themselves to death taking care of everybody else. Living in tiny boxes where they put themselves and folded the lid over their heads. Tiny little silent lives.     

PATTY ANN

Was it cold on top of the fudgsicles? I wouldn’t sit on them if it was me. No way.

KELLY

I can tell you’re not from around here or you’d know it’s not only the women with tiny little lives. The men aren’t such hot shots either.

                                                CENTERFOLD

Focus, Kelly. Focus. I’m here to reach you. Focus on you. You can’t focus on you for one minute, can you?

KELLY

I can so.

CENTERFOLD

So close your eyes. Go back in your memory to when you were nine years old. Tell me how you wanted to live your life. Tell me your best nine-year-old dream of your life.

                                                KELLY

This is stupid.

CENTERFOLD

Be a sport.     

KELLY

I don’t have time for games.

CENTERFOLD

You have time for this game. Come on.

                                                KELLY

I have work to do.

CENTERFOLD

This game could change your life. Please. Work with me. Think nine years old.

                                               KELLY

I loved Eleanor Roosevelt. I wanted to live like she did. Do important things to help people all over the world. I thought she was the greatest woman who ever lived. I used to sign my name Kelly Eleanor. I read every book in the library about her, even the adult books. I read them so many times.

                                                CENTERFOLD

I know her. She’s cool.

                                                KELLY

What are you, like an angel or something?

CENTERFOLD

Something.