Incoming by Kathy Anderson
Copyright 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Staging
A baby nursery and a hospital
room
Time & Place
The time is the present. The
place is New Jersey.
Cast
Liz – a lesbian in her
thirties
Sally – her partner. She
is nine months pregnant.
Lou – Liz’s ex-lover,
a lesbian in her thirties. She is a nurse.
Dad (Mr. Snowe) – Liz’s
father
Man 1 – hospital worker
Man 2 – hospital worker
Opening Scene
(Sally is putting together a metal-framed contraption.)
LIZ
I said maybe adoption. Maybe. Not this.
SALLY
I know.
LIZ
Why did you do it? How?
SALLY
I bought sperm over the Internet.
LIZ
Which credit card did you use?
SALLY
Not that one. The other one. I wouldn’t do that.
LIZ
You won’t use a credit card we’re trying to pay off, but you order a baby and impregnate yourself without
telling me. Why?
SALLY
Just to see if it would work.
LIZ
Are you nuts?
SALLY
All these women we know are having so much trouble getting pregnant, I just thought . . . let me see if it’s even
a possibility. It was like a kooky chemistry experiment. I never in a million years thought it would happen. Never on the
first try. I was just messing around.
LIZ
Frozen or fresh?
SALLY
Frozen.
LIZ
We’re having a frozen baby that you bought over the Internet.
SALLY
Can you believe it? I didn’t even know how to thaw it. It said right on the container, don’t try this at
home. Only to be thawed under lab supervision.
LIZ
What if you thawed it wrong and you only got part of a baby? What if you’re going to deliver the bottom half only?
What if it has freezer burn?
SALLY
Don’t be silly. I had all the tests while you were gone and it’s
a perfect baby. I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl. I told them not to tell me. I was waiting for you so we could
hear it together.
LIZ
This is too weird for me.
SALLY
Why? Who cares where it came from? A baby’s a baby.
LIZ
It’s like science fiction. It’s so Frankenstein. I don’t even know if I want to be a parent. But if
I did, it would be to some poor deserving baby rescued from an orphanage somewhere.
SALLY
But this one will be half me. We can adopt the next one, I swear. I’ll never do this again.
LIZ
The next one?
SALLY
Forget I said that, okay? Let’s just focus on this one right now.
LIZ
I don’t know if I’m staying. You did a bad thing.
SALLY
I did a terrible thing.
LIZ
You don’t look too torn up about it.
SALLY
It’s hard to be upset about anything when you’re this pregnant. You feel very cosmic and powerful. Like
you’re giving birth to the world instead of one baby. Nothing can touch this. Hey, touch this. (pulls Liz’s hand
to her belly)
LIZ
Wow. It’s like you’ve got a watermelon jammed in there. It’s so hard.
SALLY
Like a watermelon that does karate.
LIZ
Does it hurt?
SALLY
Not exactly. It startles me. I’ve been startled internally for months now.
LIZ
Remember the time you ate all those gnocchis.
SALLY
Nobody told me they expand! To six times their original size! They were so good, so gooey, so tiny. I couldn’t
stop.
LIZ
Your belly kind of looked like it does now.
SALLY
They went in so easy.
LIZ
I thought I was going to have to take you to the emergency room to cut them out of you. Gnocchi overdose.
SALLY
It was pretty scary.
LIZ
Not as scary as this.
SALLY
Liz, I’m terrified. I can’t do this without you. I need you.
LIZ
Now you need me. But you didn’t need me to consult with when you picked out sperm dad.
SALLY
You’re right. It was very impulsive, like getting a new tattoo or dying my hair some wild color you wouldn’t
like. I didn’t think. I just did it.
LIZ
I don’t want to be a mom. I thought the whole point of being dykes was that we don’t have to get married
and have kids. I want to be free. I want us to be free.
SALLY
We talked about this. I want to be a mom. I grew up in foster homes my whole stinking childhood. I want my own family.
I want you in my family. You can do this however you want to. You can be something else to the baby. You don’t have
to be a mom. Per se.
LIZ
Per se.
SALLY
You know what I mean.
LIZ
I’d be mom-like but not mom.
SALLY
Yeah.
LIZ
Like egg substitute.
SALLY
Exactly, honey. (thinks about it) Huh?
LIZ
That stuff in cartons that pours out. It suggests egg without exactly being egg.
SALLY
You know I never buy junk like that. Organic all the way. If nature didn’t make it, I am not putting it in me.
No manufactured food.
LIZ
AHA!
SALLY
What?
LIZ
You manufactured a baby!
SALLY
I did no such thing. We were talking about eggs. Eggs. You are losing it.
LIZ
And eggs have nothing to do with babies. Is that what you’re saying?
SALLY
I have plenty of eggs, the doctor said. I just needed a hand with that other ingredient. You’re getting very confused.
Can we get back to the question?
LIZ
There’s a question?
SALLY
You don’t want to be a mom, okay. What would you like to be to the
baby?
LIZ
I guess I’ll be that woman in the corner of your life, saying hi, kid. Don’t pay any attention to me. I’m
just here hanging out with your mom. (thinks) That’s crazy. I was here first. I’m your partner. I can’t
go to the corner and wait for you to look at me.
SALLY
Then let’s get married and have this baby together.
LIZ
A mom. Married. Me?
SALLY
Okay, let’s take it one step at a time. Do you want me?
LIZ
Here I am. Like a faithful dog who found her way home. I couldn’t stay away.
SALLY
Finally. Roll over, you.
LIZ
I missed you so much. Every minute, every breath, every step, I swear.
SALLY
GOOD girl. Want a treat?
LIZ
Stop. This is serious. I don’t know if I have it in me, Sally.
SALLY
You don’t. I have it in me.
LIZ
I mean married. Married. What does that even mean anyway?
SALLY
It means you hang around. When things get hairy, you don’t run away.
LIZ
I didn’t run away. I went away to think.
SALLY
And . . .? You’re not going to tell me where you were? Who you were
with?
LIZ
I wasn’t with anyone.
SALLY
You better not have been. Married is ALL about that. One lover to a customer. You make a vow to me. You swear to stick
it out. You swear to work it out.
LIZ
I feel like swearing all right.
SALLY
You know, Liz, I’m getting very impatient with all this discussing. Time’s up. I’m nine months.
LIZ
Just like that. You choose a watermelon who does karate over me.
SALLY
You’ll get used to it. I know you. You’re always afraid of change.
LIZ
I am not.
SALLY
You’re a pretty slow mover, Liz. I had to sneak up on you to get you. No sudden moves.
LIZ
I was sure you were a one-night stand. But you never exactly went all the way back home.
SALLY
Slowly . . . gently . . .
LIZ
Those other women I was dating.
SALLY
I had to break up with them for you.
LIZ
I’m not very good at confrontation.
SALLY
Remember Carleen? She was really sweet. She took it real hard. Cried on my shoulder and everything.
LIZ
I don’t remember a Carleen. I hardly remember any of them.
SALLY
Yvonne. Bernadette. Skeeter.
LIZ
Skeeter?
SALLY
Long red hair. Big birthmark on her neck. One leg shorter than the other. Sneezed all the time. Rode a unicycle.
LIZ
Oh, yeah. Her.
SALLY
Here we are, ten years later. If we made it through that first year, with me tiptoeing around you and knocking off your
other girlfriends, we can make it through this. Right?
LIZ
I don’t know.
SALLY
(Jumps, startled) Man. (holds her belly after baby kicks) You better find out pretty quick, Liz. It’s getting ready to bust out of here.
(End of excerpt. Please request manuscript from kathyandersonwriter@earthlink.net.)
